Why And?
The power of AND was first introduced to me many years ago while attending a leadership class in my Master’s degree program. My professor talked about using the word and in place of the word but, when offering feedback.
“You have done a great job identifying the problem, but you’re stuck on the solution”
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vs.
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“You have done a great job identifying the problem, and it’s time to focus on the solution”
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See the difference?
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This resonated with me, and I never forgot it. I trained myself to recognize when I was doing this and focus on the inclusive and positive power of AND.
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Fast forward five years, to the unexpected death of my husband. One of the things I was surprised about while grieving was the constant barrage of opposing feelings. In the midst of feeling the tidal wave of feelings that were coming my way, I sat down one morning and scribbled this:
How could I be feeling so many opposite feelings at the same time? This wondering had me dive even deeper into my love and understanding for AND.
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My emotions are COMPLEX. Sometimes I feel so.many.things. So then I try to stop and figure out what I am really feeling. Where did I ever get the idea that my feelings could be contained to a one-at-a-time, tidy box, first come-first serve situation? I started to welcome the idea that I could have opposing feelings, and that this is okay. Feelings are made for feeling. I don’t want to set up camp in them, and stay with them indefinitely. However, if I don’t feel them, it’s difficult to process them. If I don’t process them, I don’t learn from them.
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Learning to understand this brought a whole new freedom to processing my feelings. I can certainly feel this AND feel that. It is okay if these seem to be at odds with each other. In fact, learning to dance with the dichotomy has helped me become more empathetic, more flexible, and more accepting of myself and others.
Now I see this paradox of feelings all the time. Often when I am feeling some form of tension, this is at the root.
AND. For the love of AND…